Grand Theft Midget (An Attack On Titan X Reader Fanfiction)
by LemonsRUs888
Summary: Being in love is hard, but being in love with someone who will never notice you is much worse. Namely Eren Jaeger. Just when you think love is completely out of reach, a strange series of happenings take place bringing you closer to it that you've ever been before. There will be screaming, there will be stealing, there will be eyebrows.
1. A Mighty Puddle Of Drool

**Suurlemoene: Well, well well, if it isn't that time again.**

**Shizzlemah: Wow. I'm just gonna say this. we keep writing fanfics and not postin' them**

**Suurlemoene: Yeah really we have... like two... I think that we've written but not published**

**Shizzlemah: Yeah. BUT HOPEFULLY THIS ONE WILL BE AWESOME ENOUGH!**

**Suurlemoene: Although, not as awesome as our first.**

**Shizzlemah: That one was amazing.**

**Suurlemoene: YAY SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION. **

You were just a regular cadet, part of the 104th trainee squad. You'd had your eye on one of the more prominent trainees for a while now, a boy named Eren Jaeger. You were thinking about Eren again while helping Hanji with one of her experiments on said boy, a punishment for sneaking into the boys' dorm to watch a certain someone in their sleep. It was totally worth it because you had brought along a Kodak camera to take pictures. Being the smart creep you were, you made sure to leave the flash off.

As you began taking picture after picture, a primal shriek resonated from somewhere near the girls' dorms. You ignored it however, thinking is was just Sasha waking up from one of her 'a universe without potatoes' dreams.

You couldn't have been more wrong, for several moments later, after a considerable amount of pictures had been taken, you felt claws on your throat. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Mikasa with a foaming mouth and eyes that had the flames of the Devil in them. Though fairly terrified, you couldn't help but notice that she was wearing Honey Boo Boo PJs with some Eren-heads messily drawn in the space that weren't occupied with the child's face.

Mikasa then moved her clawed hands down to your ankles where she started to drag you away from where Eren was currently resting, you taking as many photos as you could- while struggling to break free from the vine like grip on your ankles- before it was too late.

"GET AWAY FROM MY FUTURE HUSBAND!" Mikasa shrieked, dragging you further away from your obsession. (It really is a miracle that none of the boys woke up during this all)

"HE'S LIKE YOUR BROTHER! ARE YOU NASTY?" You yelled at her, still snapping pictures.

Mikasa continued pulling you out of the room, you tried to get away but every time you made an effort she would just start looking at the ceiling, shaking her head in random ways while open mouth hissing; not even looking at you. It was weird enough to make you just gawk in horror.

Just as Mikasa had dragged you to the training grounds, and was about to rip your face off, a random door fell down and Mikasa was being pulled off of you by none other than Erwin Smith.

Right when Mikasa was fully detached from your body, you saluted to your superior and ran off maniacally laughing holding the camera in front of your face. Just as you were about to head back and take more pictures of Eren, a dwarf stepped in front of you, blocking your path. Wait, scratch that, it wasn't a dwarf, it was Corporal Levi.

You stopped in front of the corporal and darted your eyes, looking for any possible escape route. The very angry midget (who smelled a little like Windex) stalked up to your taller form stole your camera, and began to go through the pictures.

After about two seconds he tch-ed and said "I think I'll be taking this and, disposing of it. As for you, cleaning duty won't be suitable enough of a punishment. You're now Hanji's temporary assistant for 3 months."

You kneeled down on the ground, so you were at eye level with Levi. Tilting your head up to face the sky, you scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". But you were really only screaming about losing the camera and crying in the fetal position about all the Eren pictures your clean freak of a corporal had taken.

Levi just turned around and inconspicuously scrolled through more of your pictures. Looking down, he saw that a small puddle of drool had gathered at his feet. The drool belonged to Mikasa, who longed for the pictures, as they were her food source. Erwin just shook his head, his eyebrows flopping back and forth like a shampoo commercial model's hair, and dragged Mikasa off, to what you perceived through your massive amount of tears, to be Erwin's office.

Your flashback of last night was interrupted by Hanji's trying-to-be-serious voice. "(Y/n), hand me… *dramatic head turn towards you* the needle."


	2. Mikasa Licks Some Windows

**Suurlemoene: AT LONG LAST I BRING YOU CHAPTER TWO! Mostly because it's almost one in the morning and I have nothing better to do but HEY! At least you get a chapter! *self high five because Shizzlemah isn't here right now* *cries enough tears to fill a moderately sized bucket* *drowns self in tears* *lays in puddle of tears* *starts singing 'I Dreamed A Dream'* PH WHEN WILL SHIZZLEMAH RETURRRRNNNN? **

"whAT!?" screamed Eren, who was currently strappedto a table, "HANJI YOU SAID NOTHING ABOUT NEEDLES!"

While lovingly gazing at Eren, you hand the needle to her. Stroking his forehead Hanji giddily laughs and says "Oh, I didn't? Well this will make the experience even more fun!" And with that she forcefully stabs him with it. Just then, a dull thump and a loud scream are heard from outside the window. Getting up in unison, you and Hanji make you way to the window and see a twitching Mikasa laying on the ground, as if she'd fallen like a bird tends to doafter they, oh I don't know, crash into windows on 3DMG at top speed.

Suddenly, your gaze is torn away from the mentally ill girl outside by the loud screeches of Eren. "I'M BLEEDING! OH GOD THIS IS MY END"

Behind you at came the sound of squeaking. Turning around you saw Mikasa attaching herself to the window, her mouth suctioned up against the glass and her tongue licking the melted sand as she was slowly slid down the smooth surface. Walking up to the window you pulled down a shade that hung above the frame.

"Relax Eren, it's just a scratch nothing major." Hanji said, while completely ignoring Mikasa and her latest stunt. "Oh! (Y/N)! Can you hand me that gauze?"

"Uh, sure." You said turning around and handing Hanji her desired item.

Just as you were going to turn back and continue pulling down all the window shades, you couldn't help but notice that Eren was bleeding rather profusely.

"WHAT DID YOU EVEN PUT INTO ME?!" Eren yelled as he tried to wiggle out of the restraints grasp.

"Well, just an elixir that _was _supposed to bring your body temperature up to what your titan form's temperature is." Hanji said a little aggravatedly while dabbing Eren's needle entrance wound.

"WHAT THE FREAK! HANJI! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT A TITAN'S BODY IS! I'M PROBABLY GOING TO DIE! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THAT!? " Eren cried out as he struggled even harder on the buckles holding him down.

"RESEARCH! A titans' natural body temp is exceedingly hotter than any humans', so much so that it burns just to touch the muscle. Soooo, on all of the occasions that you've turned into a titan, even if it's not the full form, you remain alive and unburned. I'm sure I'm not the only one one wondering how. As a result to answer this invaluable question, I made a concoction that would do as explained… Because if you survived unphased then that would tell me that maybe it's people whose body can resist….." Hanji pretty much zoned out into her own world at that point, drool dripping out of the corner of her mouth.

"WELL IT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE WORKED! SO GET ME OUT!" Eren continued to yell, but Hanji, who snapped out of her trance, ignored him and turned to you.

"Uhhhhhh, hey (y/n)! I just remembered that I forgot I had to give Erwin his eyebrow grow- I mean to give Erwin the paperwork he assigned me today! haha.. Yeah but can you take this down to him!" Hanji said quickly as she scribbled something down on an object and handed you said item. It looked like it would hold cream or something. Written the container was the messy letters 'Erwin's Paperwork'.

"This doesn't look like paper work…" You said, looking at Hanji with a raised eyebrow.

"BUT IT IS PAPERWORK! It's just, uh, stuffed into the bottle. NOW GO BEFORE ERWIN GIVES ME MORE PAPER WORK!" Hanji screeched, shoving you out of her laboratory and into the comparatively quiet hall.


End file.
